


Marks

by natywgnat



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Enjoy(?), F/F, I had to do it, Im so sorry again, RIP me, Violence, angsty, im sorry guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 05:33:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13288056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natywgnat/pseuds/natywgnat
Summary: “A Luthor and a Super working together”“I always be your friend and I will always protect you”“Now you have someone to stand up for you always”Lena chuckled, her eyes became teary as these memories flooded her mind suddenly. Their meanings held such an important place in her heart, they gave her confidence about who she was, mended sides of her which were ripped and shattered into pieces to the non-existence at the bottom of human’s emotions but the sickening fate had played her again. It had transformed those memories into a sharp knife which thrusted through Lena’s heart when her mind tortured  her with the twisted memories of them.Kara was influenced by Red Kryptonite and she did what she would regret forever. Lena's hidden thoughts were revealed.





	Marks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [natywgnat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/natywgnat/gifts).



> Hey guys! Erm... I wrote this fic based on a very lovely friend of mine's idea, yep it is her, @natywgnat . All the mistakes are on me tho, I'm not a native so pardon my mistakes please and hopefully you will enjoy the angsty? Oh! Just a headsup, this acc isnt mine as you probably know and dont worry I will be reading all your lovely comments (and your yelling comments as well ><) but I appreaciate that you will spend time reading my fic lol. So no more holding back? enjoy? also she said it was a good idea starting off the year with angsty fic so... hopefully it is good enough for y'all. 
> 
>  
> 
> **WARNING: THERE WILL BE VIOLENCE AND SELF-HARM INTENTIONS.**

“A Luthor and a Super working together”

“I always be your friend and I will always protect you”

“Now you have someone to stand up for you always”

 

Lena chuckled, her eyes became teary as these memories flooded her mind suddenly. Their meanings held such an important place in her heart, they gave her confidence about who she was, mended sides of her which were ripped and shattered into pieces to the non-existence at the bottom of human’s emotions but the sickening fate had played her again. It had transformed those memories into a sharp knife which thrusted through Lena’s heart when her mind tortured her with the twisted memories of them.

 

 

~~~~~~~~

 

 

_“Oh! Duty calls. See you later” - Kara said as she lifted herself up from her comfortable couch and from her best friend, Lena Luthor. As Kara turned around and walked into the bathroom to change and left. Before leaving, she gave Lena her brightest smile as always. Lena frowned at the lack of warmth and the blonde’s presence, she knew she couldn’t interrupt Kara’s business but she didn’t want Kara to leave, something urged her to hold Kara back because if Kara left it could be her last time seeing Kara. Lena’s mind tricked her into that place again, the place where her biggest fears lied within and Kara’s death as Supergirl was one of them._

_Despite Lena acknowledging that it wasn’t strange for minds occuring to that scenario, having a close one being a super hero, meant risking their life on a daily basis just to bring happiness and safety to everyone. “Isn’t that too noble?” She thought as she first met Supergirl and witnessed Supergirl in action as she saved Lena from the helicopter. Something changed forever since that event, little did Lena know, Supergirl and Kara had played an important part in her life, shifting the once cold Lena back to her true nature, the very kind yet gentle Lena._

_And for a genius like Lena herself, it wasn’t shocking that Lena found out Kara’s secret sooner or later. Lena thought how arrogant, or confident perhaps, Kara was to think that a pair of glasses, a different hairstyle and her ridiculous fashion could fool Lena. “Kara was Supergirl”-Lena figured it out after Kara paid her second visit to L-Corp. Lena didn’t get hit by surprises because Supergirl, like all people, had her normal human life as well and in which ironically was Kara Danvers, a shy and clumsy reporter._

_Thinking back, Lena released a clear scoff at how good and bad Kara’s disguise was. She picked herself up from the couch and poured herself a drink that she could find in Kara’s kitchen to brace herself before putting on news channel in order to observe and pray for Kara as she was now her alter ego, Supergirl, where she recklessly risking her dear life for people she didn’t even know. Lena inside burned with fire and sicken to her core as she saw Supergirl saving citizens, including humans and aliens from a burning building because she knew who trapped those people and aliens and set the building on fire. It was no doubt Kara’s current biggest enemy, CADMUS. Lena was pacing around, hand gripped tightly on the remote control with such force that it could have broken into two. Her eyes never left the screen even when her nerves were all tensed up with scenarios her mind could have thought of about CADMUS, “Where are they? Was this a trap? Are they setting up a trap?”, her thoughts keep pining on Lena which caused her a slight headache and nausea. Every time Kara was in that suit, Lena was filled with the dreaded torture of emotions and anticipations, she hated every single moment of it to her guts but hidden underneath it all was a glim light of proudness, Kara was doing what she was meant to be, it was who she was and unlike the daughter of dissapointment, Lena. Kara was shinning so brightly that it was a torture seeing the blonde when her mind was drowned and drenched in the thought of losing her one day. Lena mourned for the memories between her and Kara had turned into something which only carried pain._

_All the “Please come home safely, Kara” that Lena had silently prayed every time Kara had to leave mid-way in their lunch dates, dinners as Kara always threw her excuses about work or Alex needed her but Lena knew better. What also killed her was not to be able to say how worried she was out loud, to let Kara knew how badly she wanted her to be safe, how she wanted to hold her and saying farewell every time Kara had to leave because Lena never knew when would be the last time yet this wall, a wall that had been built by Kara and Lena themselves, had left Lena many dreaded nights, the amount of tears she had shed every time Supergirl got wounded badly or how Kara casually met her the day after looking just fine. However, she could never bring herself to say what she wanted because her rotten, disgusting self, always getting denied and hated by her mother; even her deariest brother, the one she thought she could rely on was now the one wanting her dead, so how could Lena tell Kara how she felt if it resulted Kara hating her? It was the dear blonde that she was ready to sacrifice her life for but the idea of Kara hating her was worse than death itself; so everynight, Lena’s pillows always got damped in tears, enough to make the air salty, gripping so tightly to her dear hand, she inflicted pain on herself, so whatever was torturing her mind somehow could halve. Those nights, those secret nights that no one knew where Lena cried and mourned for Kara who could be alive or not._

_This night was also one of those many nights. It wasn’t because Kara wasn’t safe, Kara was perfectly fine but Lena’s tear was a way for her to release the pinning intense feelings she carried and how this loop of endless pain. “Only death can free me”-Lena always thought to herself._

_Lena woke up, feeling disgusted because a mess she had become, drenched in her own tears, red, swollen eyes still reeked water with pink nose and dry lips. Lena couldn’t even look at her reflection in the mirror as she washed off her smudged make up and getting ready for another day at work. As she was showering, water flowed flawlessly on Lena’s skin, the water washed away what was daunted upon her. She was beautiful but it had shown how wore off she was, her skin was paler, cheek bones started to show more clearly as well as her hollow-eyed as they sank further. Water reached the red marks on her skinny, long and delicate hand, due to her pale skin, those marks were easier to distinguish. After shower, Lena put on her make up, she patted few to cover up the marks on her hand. Lena was ready to meet Kara again, after last night, when she knew Kara was safe and nothing bad happened, she wanted to see her again despite the feelings would hit her._

_**“Can we meet?”** -Lena quickly sent Kara a text without hesitation nor second thought._

_**“Where can I meet you?”** -Kara replied not so long later._

_**“I have picked the places lately, why don’t you choose this time?”** -Lena replied, she thought it would be nice letting Kara choosing her favorite place instead of Lena’s where all type of salads were two third of the menu._

_**“Warehouse on XXX at 11.30am? I got something to tell you.”** -Kara finally answered after a few minutes of erasing and typing. _

_**“Sure!”** \- Lena sent but her heart was pumping hard in excitement and faintly fear because Kara had never asked her to go to a warehouse like this. Lena thought to herself then shrugged it off as she continued her work day._

_Fate didn’t make Lena’s life easier, she had mountain of projects to be finished as well as conferences and contracts to sign. Hours of working insanely, Lena finally had a few minutes to rest. She checked the time on her phone immediately, 10.30am it said, she released a loud frustrated sign, “How funny time flies when we are having fun and dreaded when we are drown in work”- The thought passed Lena’s mind but somehow she said it out loud unconsciously. She poured herself a drink as she looked out into the light blue sky, the weather was beautiful with the bright rays of sunlight piercing through buildings. Mesmerizing blueness from the sky brought her back to Kara’s blue eyes, they were probably the most beautiful thing Lena had ever seen and including the amazing sky out there. “What is she doing now?”-Lena thought as she lost herself in the morning scenary of National City._

_“Jess, Im going out now. Please cancel all my meetings until 3pm.” Lena said as she walked by Jess and headed straight out. She want late, she caculated it all, “11pm I will head out and reaching the warehouse should take 30 minutes top.” Or so she thought, turned out, Lena got out of work at 11.15pm. She quickly rushed to the warehouse as fast as any human could but she was late._

_“Kara! Hey! How are you?” Lena said as she pulled Kara into a hug with a warm smile, to her surprises, she had picked up this habit of the blonde dork but it was too late for her to pull back now. Kara didn’t hug her though, Kara was standing still with a stone cold face and her warm blue eyes had changed into sharp, cold and piercing eyes. Lena sensed something was off, she was truly worried for Kara now. “What’s wrong?” Kara didn’t reply but her eyes shifted a little torwards Lena’s eyes, the blue piercing eyes were judging Lena sending a tremendous amount of pressures into the asmosphere._

_“Nothing. I am at my very best right now.” Kara replied in calm and her words came out like a whisper. Lena raised her eyebrows in doubts and scanning the blonde to see if there was something off. Nothing, there weren’t anything abnormal, so Lena started to think if it was because of her. “You know, you could have told me from the beginning and this wouldn’t happen” Kara said as she started walking torwards the brunette, Kara’s voice was distant and cold, Lena shivered as she thought of her mother for a split second. “Kara? What are you doing? Please tell me what’s wrong” Lena’s eyes pleaded, Lena walked away from Kara slowly but she didn’t break the eye contact. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why were you so afraid? Am I that untrustworthy to you? Do I mean nothing to you?” Kara’s expressions had changed, it had some emotions to them but Kara was raging up, her face twisted in anger as she pierced her eyes through Lena’s. Lena was shocked by Kara’s words, she wondered if she was dreaming or Kara, the clumsy but lovely Kara, had become someone she couldn’t recognize. “Please, Kara, come down. What have I done to you?” Lena’s voice was filled with worriness but she kept it steady despite she was shaking in fear inside thinking what she had even done to make the blonde this angry._

_Kara stopped, she gone back to her calm and cold self but she was sending a different look to Lena, a despise and pitiful look. “So you won’t admit it. You won’t admit at how every second you are with me all you could think about is my death” Kara’s eyes were now filled with anger, pains then behind all the hatred was a disgusted look mixed with the utter betrayal feeling. “Kara, please. I would never think about that. How and why would I?” Lena’s voice is now shaking, it wasn’t because she was afraid but the pain she received from Kara’s look and simply Kara’s doubts or accusation to Lena already tearing her to pieces. Lena kept on backing away from Kara until her back hit a wall, it had dawned upon her that she was now trapped inside with a furious Kryptonian._

_“Lies.. LIES! Not telling me was a thing but now lying to me? I should have known, you are like the rest of your despicable family, you are just as toxic, rotten and manipulative and now I have ripped off that disgusting mask you have worn so many years. I trusted you.. and I want you to rot in hell.” Kara’s words pierced Lena’s heart, it was like accid streaming down every part on Lena’s body that burnt every cell that it touched. Lena’s eyes blanked, no emotion could express how she was feeling right then; a large piece was torn away from her, it was something she held onto whenever she was beatened and broken apart, it was something that warmed up her cold heart, it was something that brought joice to her hollow life, it was something she couldn’t survive without it, it was her._

_Kara’s appearance on Lena’s life had created another side of Lena, a side where she didn’t fill with hatred, a side where she felt like the world wasn’t poisoning her with their expectations, their lies and then their burning greeds – wanting to swallow and burn every single specs that it touches which left Lena scars that could never healed. Among all the sickening and harzarded things in Lena’s life, Kara had created somewhere Lena could lean on, could rely on and now, that very important place had been ripped off and torn apart viciously by the one who created it. Nothing could compare to this, time dragged out as Lena’s inside screaming for salvation, the pain was enormous that even herself couln’t even felt it but it resolved into an empty feeling, left her screaming into a void, her tear, her grieves all couldn’t reach anywhere. Lena was trapped in her own mind, the pain she was feeling was above all as she watched what she once was, what gave her purposes to live flashed away and all she could do was to watch silently as she drowned in helplessness and dispairs._

_For what seemed like enternity, Lena moved from her frozen state but her movement was falling down onto her knees with tear streaming down uncontrollably combined with the reeking water from nose, her face twisted in pain with mixtures of emotions hitting her all at once. When it was too much to kneel, Lena fell onto the ground, her face touched the hard, dusty concrete floor and the ground was soaked with her tears. Her hands were formed into tight fists with the red liquid pouring out, Lena was now crushed by the remmants of what is once meaningful._

_“You are pathetic and a coward, you knew I was Supergirl and since then you keep being paranoid and thinking about my death but you never said how you felt because you were afraid.” Kara said as she picked Lena up from the ground by her dress’s collar, she pinned the fragile still crying woman to the wall. “Were you afraid of me rejecting you?!” Kara’s voice got louder as her intense stare capture Lena’s eyes. Her stare was so intense that lazer could have flown out. “Were you afraid of me hating you so you stayed quiet and not thinking about how worried I was?” Kara sent Lena flying across the wide warehouse, Lena’s back hit the other side wall and absorbed all the impact, the pain was tremendous which caused Lena to regain herself and released a loud scream as she landed on the ground.  
“K-Kara.. please.. stop… I’m sorry, I should have told you. I’m sorry for making you worry. I’m sorry for dissapointing you. I’m sorry for everything, so please, stop.” Lena words barely escaped her mouth, her voice was thick combined with her intense cough because of the impact. “Something is broken inside”-Lena thought, phsyically or mentally, something did break and it could be both. Despite that, Kara’s super hearing helped her, so she could hear what Lena said perfectly fine. Lena’s small hope of stopping Kara soon to be crushed as Kara used super speed to rush torwards Lena and looked down, her eyes showed no mercy just hostility and her desire to see Lena’s death. _

_“If you love me so much then do me a favour and die” Lena didn’t have time to react before she was lifted to the air and this time Kara grabbed onto her by her neck, Kara’s grip was powerful that air couldn’t breath in nor out, Lena was struggling as she felt her consciouness was leaving her slowly. She gasped for air, under such great force, Lena was trying to say something, something before death came to her. “Please, Kara. Stop, I don’t want you to live with this guilt, having blood on your hands.. Im begging you. This isn’t who you are, so please.. stop!”-Lena thought, she tried to convey it into sounds that Kara could hear but her fragile human self couldn’t fight against an alien, a Kryptionian. As Lena started to faint, Kara sent her a hard slap and loosen her grip in order to let Lena regained her consciousness. “You’re not gonna die like this. Not yet but any last words?” Kara said as she looked into Lena’s emerald eyes, they were still so beautiful despite everything. Kara hated those eyes, those eyes which always contain the mesmerizing gorgeousness of Lena._

_“P-please.. s-s..stop.. you.. don’t..want… this” Lena was looking straight into Kara’s, her look filled with determination but her motivation wasn’t her life but it was Kara, it had always been Kara, she wanted Kara not to live in guilt and regrets. Lena didn’t want any of that to happen to Kara because Lena knew too well about living in guilts and regrets, her entire life had been revolving around them and the blonde had salvaged her worthless life and Lena wanted to do the same for the blonde ever since. Lena’s wills, what she forced herself to hold onto, burnt greatly in her eyes, she wouldn’t give up even that meant her life would be the price._

_“You disgusted me, you don’t know what I want and sure as hell you will never!” Kara spat those words in anger as she gave Lena her a punch in the guts with no holding back, it was guaranteed that no human could survive that punch. Lena was sent flying for a good distance before landing on the ground roughly. Her ribs were shattered serverely, some punctured her lungs, some didn’t do any damage but one did cut her artery. She was bleeding internally with ragged breathing, Lena knew she was dying, she could feel the coldness creeping up on her. She didn’t want to let go, not yet._

 

~~~~~~~

 

Everything slowed down, Kara’s approach seemed like forever, Lena’s eyes widened as her breath became slower gruadually. Her memories started to flashed back.

 

“A Luthor and a Super working together”

“I always be your friend and I will always protect you”

“Now you have someone to stand up for you always”

 

Lena chuckled, her eyes became teary as these memories flooded her mind suddenly. Their meanings held such an important place in her heart, they gave her confidence about who she was, mended sides of her which were ripped and shattered into pieces to the non-existence at the bottom of human’s emotions but the sickening fate had played her again. It had transformed those memories into a sharp knife which thrusted through Lena’s heart when her mind tortured her with the twisted memories of them.

 

“No, these memories won’t change even if she hurts me because they came from the bottom of her heart, they are real.”-Lena convinced herself, she coulnd’t let whatever happened here changed the goodness in Kara and she wanted to cheerish these memories forever, even after her death.

 

Kara kneeled down beside the dying brunette, there was tear in Kara’s eyes, she was in pain as well. “Lena, you should have told me, you should have be honest with your feelings and now you have to die” Kara knew Lena was dying, she scanned her, so the only thing Kara could do now was to watched.

 

“Kara, I love you. I really do and.. I know this is late to say this but I’ve been worrying sick about you and whatever happens now, please remember that I love you and no one blames you.” Lena gathered whatever power she had left, placed her hand on Kara’s cheek as she slowly but steadily saying those last words of her. Lena looked deep into Kara’s eyes, transmitting what she wanted to say because every word she spoke up was like fire burning inside her with the agony pain. Those emerald piercing eyes stared deep down, digging for the Kara that she loved, her Kara Danvers.

 

“I’m sorry, Kara. Please live a happy life.”-Lena’s hand fell down and her body relaxed after she finished her sentence. Her eyes dialated as she breathed her last breath, she thought she could die happily now, she had said what she could and wanted to say what was left was for Kara to carry on.

 

Kara touched her own cheek just to find out Lena’s blood was on it. Kara’s vision started to blur out as she stumbled backward. “Lena died. She died” The line played on repeat in Kara’s mind, she looked closely at Lena’s cold body lying on the floor with her hand dripping blood still. “Blood.”-Kara thought, she crawled back to Lena’s body as her eyes reeked water, her tear was streaming down continously and intensely. “Lena? Wake up” Kara said as she shaked Lena slightly as tear formed into large patch of wetness on the concrete floor. 

 

A load explosion coming behind Kara took her by surprises, it was the DEO and her dear sister, Alex, for a split second, as agents running towards Kara with weapons, their eyes met and Alex nerves tensed up as she saw how broken Kara was, she looked so calm but her eyes were filled with water and deep down inside, the real Kara, the Kara without the effection of Red Kryptonite was screaming, agonizing in pain and Alex knew why, Lena was dead.

 

“Kara, how are you feeling?” Alex gently said as Kara finally waking up. Not so long after, Kara starts to remember what happened, what she had done to Lena, what she had said to her and Lena was dead. “Dead” Kara mumbled as tears streaming down her eyes viciously, her face srunched up in pain, her hand covered up her eyes as she started to scream loudly.

 

“Where is she!?” Kara said in between her screams, there was so much pain and so many feelings winded up inside her, crawling there way out to escape. She couldn’t express them all so they pinned up and she felt like she would explode, she grieved, she hated, she mourned, she felt guilty, there was so much that Kara could take. Kara was on her knees, screaming yet crying at the same time, her punch caused a large hole on the floor as tear was dripping down. “I need her. I can’t do this”

 

After hours of crying and ripping everything apart in the nursing room she was in, Kara finally collapsed from exhaustion, even then, tear didn’t stop, her fists were tight and she wanted to punch herself right then because all these pain were too much, even with super powers, the pain of lost was something no one could escape, Kara knew that too well.

 

~~~~~~

 

Months, Kara isolated herself, grieving for Lena’s death. Kara tried many attempts from drinking to fighting, from crying to flying, from convincing it wasn’t her to harming herself, none of them could lift of what was beating, suffocating Kara, none of them could measure the pain she was feeling, none of them matter because she needed Lena.

 

“Hey, Lena. I know it has been months that I’ve been avoiding you. I know I have been a bad friend, a bad hero to you and I wish I could have done better because you deserve everything.” Kara said as she gently stood next to Lena’s grave. It was covered with leaves and dust, Kara carefully cleaning up Lena’s grave as she placed the freshest bouquet of plumerias she could find. “I know what I did was unforgivable but you did it anyway, right before you..” Kara said slowly as her body heaved and her eyes became blurry again.

 

“Hating me could have been so much better but you didn’t and I once hated you for that.” Kara scoffed as she thought how selfish she could be hating a dead person. “You were very brave Lena, so much braver than me, you were standing up a monster like me with everything u had.” Kara put her hand gently on the grave as tear hiting her hand. “You were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, all the things you had ever done and up until that point were extraodinary, so Lena, please, don’t leave me like this.” Kara closed her eyes as memories of Lena reliving inside her again and so did what she had done to Lena.

 

“This must be the pain you have felt, to witness something happened right in front of your eyes but you are unable to do something and keeping your feelings, thoughts burry deep down inside, keeping them hidden.” Kara opened her eyes, her eyes were fragile as they were now burning up because she was crying for too long.

 

“You suffered through it all, you had experienced it all and you always sucessfully made it. You were shining so bright, Lena. You were a true hero, a hero that none of us can ever surpass you… if only ypu could have seen that.” Kara wasn’t just mourning for Lena’s death, she mourned for who Lena might have become, what Lena could achieved and how much love she should have received in this life. It pain Kara to her core thinking Lena was no longer exist in this world. Everything seemed so surreal that Kara wishes every goddamn day that this was a horrible nightmare and she would wake up seeing Lena with the warmest smile on Earth.

 

“I imagine we had it all but I have taken that away from both of us, I was foolish and this is what I deserve but not you Lena. I wish for a lot of things and one of them is it was me instead of you Lena. I know this is so selfish to say but it hurts, it hurst so damn much. I can’t wake up with the thought of not seeing you, Lena. It is a torture everyday, every time I open my eyes, I imagine you were there but the reality wouldn’t be so nice.” Kara kneeled down with her face againsnt Lena’s grave with her hands placing on the grave. She was crying but this time she forced herself to stop.

 

Kara spent hours talking about how DEO would continue to help and developed Lena’s unfinished projects and how everything had been. Kara talked about how she had improve and how Jess had missed Lena dearly. Kara didn’t want Lena to miss anything, she knew how caring Lena was and how Lena always observing news. She wouldn’t let Lena die, not like this, Lena would live on, she would continue to live as a memory and Kara made sure this time nothing could hurt Lena ever.

 

“And the last thing I want to tell you, Lena. I love you, too. I love you so much, I have been in love with you since forever and unlike you, I was a coward. Lena, I love you. You don’t have to be afraid, I am here and I’m not going anywhere, I will always protect you”

**Author's Note:**

> I should have said this in thebeginning but this is my second fic lol so please again pardon my slobby writing, it's pretty late. Be gentle on me >< also thank you for reading<3


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